A Reunion of All Sorts
by RuthlessStyleFreak
Summary: {Complete} Frasier and Niles are invited to their high school reunion and, at first, do not want to go. After being convinced, they drag Roz and Daphne along. Roz and Daphne end up having a great time, unlike the Crane brothers. Review!
1. The Invitation

Disclaimer-Yeah, I own a TV show...I'm sitting here in a (nearly) broken rolling chair, writing a fan fiction, listening to rock music...and I _just_ finished an essay for school...I think the chances of _me_ owning a television show are pretty slim...or anything related to entertainment at all, for that matter.  And I don't own Auburn High School.  I_ think_ it exists in Seattle, but I don't know…

A/N-This is my second "Frasier" fan fiction, and, I _promise_, Niles lives.  I mean, come on, I can only live with doing it once.  Anyways, here's the first chapter.

**Chapter One-The Invitation**

Dr. Frasier Crane walked up to his apartment, trying to keep a grip on his mail.  He fumbled with his keys a few seconds before somehow getting it into the key hole and awkwardly pushing the door open, and then closed, with his shoulder.  As soon as he turned around, he saw his father sitting at a table with his brother and sister-in-law.  He was slightly taken aback by seeing them in his house, considering they had told him that they were going to go to dinner.  "Hello Niles, Daphne," Frasier greeted, dropping the mail on the table.  "I'm surprised to see you here; didn't you have plans?"

"Yes, we did," said Niles, annoyed.  "But it seems that the maître d' gave away our table because they 'arrived there first.'  Ha!  They probably bribed him with the slipping-of-a-twenty-dollar-bill-into-his-hand technique.  I would've gotten the table back, but I have better manners than to bribe someone."

"You couldn't do it, could you?" asked Frasier.

"No, it dropped right on the floor.  I could tell that he was going to laugh, so I said 'Oh, I'm sorry, I seemed to have dropped this one hundred dollar bill,' and then I turned around and left.  But you should have seen his face!  He looked positively flustered!  Although, he may have seen that it was only a five dollar bill and he was simply angry that I would try to bribe him with that."  Niles shrugged his shoulders, and sat down.

"So, we decided that we'd simply have dinner with the two of you," said Daphne.  "That _is _alright, isn't it?"

"Of course it is," said Martin, taking a sip of beer.  "Our casa es su casa."

"No, your casa _used_ to be 'es mi casa.'"

Frasier shook his head, and began looking through his mail.  His eyebrows rose as he saw a return address from Auburn High School.  He tore the envelope open and read the message:

_Dear Frasier Crane,_

_You have been invited to the 1971 __Auburn__High School__ Class _Reunion___.  You will be able to meet some faces from the past, catch up with old friends, and see old flames.  The date is Saturday, July 12th, __7:00 P.M._ to __Midnight___. Hope to see you there!_

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Auburn High_

Frasier rolled his eyes; seeing "old friends" wasn't exactly the great weekend he had in mind, besides, he had an opera performance scheduled for that night, and he didn't want to miss it.  

"What is that, Frasier?" asked Niles, leaning over to read the letter.  "Ahh, a letter for our first class reunion.  I just got one today.  Why do you think they decided to wait this long to start having them?  I mean, half of us could be dead already."

"I don't know; probably a money issue or something, but it doesn't matter.  I already have plans for that night."

"As do I.  Besides, I never really cared much for my old classmates.  They were all so…strange.  All of the boys had this unnatural obsession with getting sweaty, yelling at the top of their lungs, and stomping on the floor until the ceiling began to crack."

"Oh my, and they did this during class?" asked Daphne.

"No, it was during a basketball game that I was forced to go to.  I never understood how one gets pleasure out of running back and forth on a wooden court, especially since they always ended up with a disgusting yellow stain under the arms."

"Niles, I think that only _you_ would care about something like that during a ball game," said Martin, shaking his head.

"Anyways, that wasn't the only reason I didn't like them.  They were…jealous of my advanced intellect.  I remember, one boy threatened to take away my favorite ball point pen unless I did his homework."

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"Well…Dad, it was my _favorite pen_, need I remind you?"

"No son, you don't, but _I _think that you boys should go.  Who knows, maybe those kids have grown up a little since high school."

"Yeah," agreed Daphne.  "Remember that Danny Kriezel?  He turned out to really feel bad about bullying you."

"Yeah, but his brother didn't," snapped Frasier, remembering how Billy Kriezel had chased him a few blocks before Frasier had agreed to write a check to keep him away from him.

"Well, that's just one person.  Come on, it'll be fun.  I remember my high school reunions were always great fun.  It turned out that my best friend in high school became professional watch repairer and, you know the one girl who always acts like she's the hottest and beautiful thing God ever created?  Well, she became a man, and then became a truck driver." 

Daphne smiled, as though remembering the moment she found out about it.  "The look on my ex-boyfriend's face was priceless.  Seems he had been cheating on me with her, and was looking forward to seeing her again, and when he found out, he just stood there, staring at her-his chest, as if he expected them to just pop back."  

Niles and Frasier stared at her for a second, absorbing her story.  "Yes, that was the look, only his eyes were down further."

Frasier and Niles seemed to break out of the "trance" they had been in, and sat down on the couch.  "Well, as wonderful as that sounds, Daphne, I still must insist on not going," said Frasier. 

"Same here," agreed Niles.

To Be Continued…

A/N-I completely ran out of ideas, there.  Oh well…please review!__


	2. A Convincing Suggestion

Disclaimer-I don't own "Frasier."  Umm...make up your own joke here.

A/N-Okay, a few people asked why Niles and Frasier were both invited to the reunion.  Now, don't think that I didn't put that into consideration before writing this story...the answer to that question will be in this chapter.  Oh, and _merci beaucoup_ for all of the reviews.

**Chapter Two-A Convincing Suggestion**

"I can't believe that you two don't want to go to your own high school reunion," said Martin, shaking his head.  "I would jump at the chance to see my old buddies again."

"Well, Dad, I'll arrange that for you.  How does that sound?" remarked Frasier, sarcastically.  

Martin rolled his eyes at his son.  "You know what I mean," he groaned.  "Why don't you guys at least consider it?"

"Why don't you consider it, Dad?" asked Niles.  "Think about it; reliving the days of utter torment from my classmates.  I don't think I could take it if I heard the name 'Jocko' again."  Niles shuddered slightly.  "Especially if it ends up with a mouthful of water and sitting on the floor of the girl's bathroom."

"That happened?!  By whom?" asked Daphne, putting her arm around her husband's shoulders.

"Oh, someone you don't know," said Niles, a faint pink flushing into his cheeks.  

"Oh, come on...it can't be that bad."

"I don't want to."

"Niles, if you tell me, I'll stop trying to convince you to go to the reunion."  Daphne gave Niles a "puppy-dog face," pleading him to tell her.

"I don't know why you care so much, but...alright.  It was...Megan Hamilton." 

"'Megan'?" repeated Daphne, biting her lip to keep from laughing out loud.  "Please tell me that's some nickname for, oh, I don't know...Meganono."

"No, it isn't...it was just Megan."  Niles looked at the faces staring at him, all of which were obviously trying not to laugh.  "It's not as amusing as it may seem.  She was a six-foot tall beast!  Her arms were twice as thick as a can of beets, and her eyes screamed 'Die, Crane, die!'"

"Now, Niles...it's nothing to be...ashamed about," giggled Daphne.  "I'm sure that there were many other boys who were hauled into the girl's bathroom by a girl, shoved into the toilet, and left there to dry...you simply didn't know about them."

"I wasn't 'hauled' into the bathroom, Daphne," said Niles, defensively.  "I was in the bathroom in the first place because I thought that she wouldn't find me in there, but she did.  That was the moment I discovered that she was a girl, and not some boy with a mullet."

Daphne continued to giggle, shaking her head.  "Was _that_ so hard, Niles?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, it was.  I had whiplash for days after the bathroom incident."

"No, I mean telling me about it."

"Oh, no...no it wasn't."  Niles smiled.  "I feel like I got something off of my chest...hey, would you like to hear about more of my past miseries?!" he shouted, his smile fading.

"Be careful, Niles, or Daphne'll chase you into the bathroom and make you relive Megan's torment," teased Frasier, grinning.

"Oh, shut up, Frasier.  I seem to remember a little incident you had in eighth grade," said Niles, smiling menacingly.

Frasier's eyes grew wide.  "I don't know what you're talking about," he said, turning away.

"Oh, I think you do," said Niles, standing up and moving behind his older brother.  "Wasn't his name 'Jacob'?"

"Well, at least it was a boy!" snapped Frasier, harshly.

"At least mine was in my grade!" replied Niles, just as harsh, but with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"What does he mean?" asked Martin.  "Did an older boy pick on you, Fras?"

"Oh no," replied Niles.  "It wasn't an older boy."  His smile grew wider.  "I believe you were, how old, Frasier?  Thirteen, fourteen?  Well, I seem to remember Jacob being about nine or ten."  

"What?" asked Martin, a smile appearing on his face as well.  "A nine-year-old attacked you?!"  He quickly took a swallow of beer to keep from bursting out laughing. 

"He was TEN!" yelled Frasier.  

"Yeah, well, that didn't stop him from covering you in paste and pushing you onto the sand volleyball court."  Niles laughed at the memory.  "I am _so glad that I decided to go over to the volleyball court to read Moby Dick during my lunch period.  I wouldn't give this memory up for anything!"_

Daphne returned from the kitchen, where she had been for the past few seconds, obviously trying to conceal her amusement.  "I'm so sorry, Frasier," she said, laughter showing clearly in her eyes.

"Well, I suppose _now_ you understand why we don't want to go to this reunion."

"Yes, son, we understand...but why were you both invited at the same time?"

"Well..."  Frasier picked up his invitation and looked it over.  "Oh, I understand...it says that each week this month, a different decade is being invited for a reunion.  Since our school was started in the sixties, last Saturday was the graduates from the 1960's, this week are the graduates from the 1970's, next week are the graduates from the 1980's, and so on..."

Martin nodded.  "Why are they doing that?"

"My guess would be that they're running low on money, and need to buy a limited amount of food, and this was the easiest way...but that's just a theory."

"I wouldn't be surprised, considering how much it cost for you two to go there," said Martin, sarcastically.  "But I still think that you boys should go."

"Dad, were you not paying attention to our stories of pain and hurting?" asked Niles.

"Yeah...you were attacked by some female version of The Rock, and Frasier was attacked by some little boy who was too quick for him."

"He was rather fast," interrupted Frasier, nodding.

"The point is, it's all in the past, as in 'a time when you were teenagers,' as were the bullies...except for Frasier's bully, of course."  

Niles stifled a laugh, taking a sip of sherry.  "Good times, good times," he murmured.

"But this would be a great chance to show them up for what they did to you.  Frasier, you can go up to that boy Jacob and say 'You may have glued and sanded me a few decades ago, but I was a voice on the radio.'  And Niles, you can find that Megan girl and say 'Oh, hello, aren't you the girl who gave me a swirly in the girl's bathroom?  Well, I have an IQ of 156 and I've been married three times (*thanks TVStoryGirl538*), so obviously that torment didn't affect my intelligence or my love life.'"

Frasier and Niles smiled.  "You know, that would be a wonderful experience," said Frasier.

"I know...unless Megan is still as big and scary as she was in ninth grade," said Niles, nervously.

"And if Jacob is still as fast and sly as he was when he was ten, I don't think I'll stand a chance against him."

"Oh, geez, just_ go_ and don't worry about what they _might_ be like," groaned Martin.

"You know what, I _am_ going to go," said Frasier, proudly.  "I'll show those delinquents what I've become."

"Yes, bald and proud," said Niles, smiling.  At Frasier's glare, he recoiled.  "I'm just kidding, but I' m going to go as well.  Are you happy now, Daphne, Dad?"

"Yes, sweetie, and I think we'll have a great time," said Daphne, giving Niles a hug.  

"I think you're making the right decision, boys," said Martin.  "There's nothing better than the feeling of revenge...but don't do anything stupid, like mentioning the restaurant idea you two had...or trying to go into practice together.  That'll just end badly."

"Dad, will you _ever_ get over those few mishaps?  Besides, you have to admit, they were good ideas to begin with."

"No, they weren't.  They were stupid ideas to begin with, and thinking that they were good ideas _now_ is almost as stupid."

Frasier rolled his eyes and turned to Niles, raising his glass.  "To showing up all of those people who found it amusing to reticule us."  They clinked their glasses together and took a sip.

To Be Continued...

A/N-Did that clear up the questions?  I probably should've mentioned how it was going to work out in the first chapter but, smart me, I didn't.  Well, review please!!


	3. Another Reason

Disclaimer-Once again, as I've said many times, I don't own a thing!!!  

A/N-Okay, I re-read chapter two, and I some of the things I wrote were a little . . . off.  And I have a reason (I know that if I don't explain, it'll bother me forever): When I was writing that chapter, my little annoying cousins were running around me (figuratively, of course) and yelling stuff at each other, and it sort of effected my writing to make the Frasier/Niles squabble sort of like my little cousins fighting.  

I may re-write chapter two.  Please tell me if I should . . . honesty much appreciated!

**Chapter Three-Another Reason**

"So, your father pressured you into going to the reunion, huh?" asked Roz, who was sitting in her chair.  The radio show was going to be on air in about ten minutes.

"Yes, and I am glad that he did," said Frasier.  "Or else I would be wondering what my fellow classmates have turned into."

"Uh huh," replied Roz, giving him a half-smile.  "I think that this is the first time you've listened to your father, much less let him force you into something."

"Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there?"  Frasier raised his eyebrow at her.  "And besides, he did not 'force me,' as you so blindly put it.  He simply . . . let me see the experience that I would miss out on if I did not go."  He cocked his head to one side as he entered his studio.

Roz stood up and followed him inside.  "I see.  Well, I would have made the same decision; going to a reunion would be a fun experience."

"I'm glad that you think so, Roz, because you're going with me as my date," Frasier said quickly, sitting down in his chair and beginning to look over the shuffled papers on his desk.

Roz stared at him blankly for a minute before responding.  "Excuse me?  And when did I agree to go on your little adventure though the past?"

"But Roz, I seem to remember you saying that you'd enjoy going to a reunion.  Well, here's your chance."  Frasier grinned at her, raising his arms for enthusiasm.

Roz crossed her arms and stared daggers at him.  "Frasier, give me one good reason that I should go."

"You'd be helping out your friend and co-worker.  What better reason is there?"  When she continued to glare at him, he cleared his throat and began again.  "There will probably be many single men there for you to meet."

Roz's eyes drifted to the ceiling as she thought about Frasier's suggestion.  "Well . . ." she began, looking back at Frasier's pleading eyes.  "Alright, but I'm still confused as to why you want me there."

"Roz, think about it; if I arrive alone, with only my brother, everyone will believe that I have no friends, other than my brother, and do I really want them to believe that I haven't changed at all?!"  

Roz smiled and slowly shook her head.  "No, you probably don't, or else they'll end up stuffing you in a locker wearing a girl's field hockey uniform again."  She chuckled at the image of three grown men attempting to shove Frasier into a locker, wearing a little girl's uniform.  At Frasier's annoyed glare, she added, "Well, you can't tell me about something like that without me saying something, can you?"  

"No, and I'm beginning to regret telling you about anything," Frasier groaned.  "Anyways, I think that we are about to go on the air."

Roz glanced at her watch and nodded.  "You're right; ten seconds 'til we're on."  She rushed into her booth and sat down in her chair.  She placed her earphones on her head and signaled to Frasier to begin.

"Hello Seattle," began Frasier, "this is Dr. Frasier Crane . . ."

~Later that Day~

Niles and Frasier sat down at a table in Cafe Nervosa, sipping their usual coffees.  "So, did you persuade Roz to join you to the reunion?" Niles asked.

"Yes, but she had to get the last word in.  And that 'last word' simply _had to involve my terrorizing experience of being shoved into the locker wearing the girl's field-"_

"-hockey uniform," they finished together. 

Niles rolled his eyes.  "Yes, Frasier, I've heard this story many times, and it ceased to be upsetting a few months ago."

"Well, I'm sorry to bore you with my childhood horrors, Niles," remarked Frasier, raising his eyebrows.  "But the fact remains that we have no idea of what to expect this Saturday.  What if these classmates have not matured whatsoever?"

"Frasier, you're overreacting.  I would think that, after about twenty years, our classmates would have learned the error of their ways.  Just because they told us that they would, and I quote, 'Bully us for life,' doesn't mean that they actually _will."_

"Niles, that never happened to me."

"Oh, well, it doesn't mean that he will continue to hate me and wish to bring physical harm to me, as he did every day my freshman year."  Niles eyes squinted as he recalled the torment.  "The stacked lockers, stolen work, water balloons . . . Frasier, you were right, they'll never change."

Frasier nodded his head, wearing an 'Oh, my God' look on his face.  "Niles," he said slowly, "There's no reason to freak out; you were right.  Most of them have, most likely, understood that what they did was irrational.  I'm sure that they lie in bed at night, wishing that they had treated us better."  He rolled his eyes, taking a sip of coffee.

"Very nice, Frasier, but I'm still hesitant to go."

"Niles, you and I are going, and there is no way that I will change my mind!"

"Frasier?!" 

Frasier turned to look at the voice that called his name.  A man, about Frasier's age, walked swiftly us to their table.  Frasier stood and accepted the man's outstretched hand. 

"Frasier, I'm glad that I got to see you before the reunion this Saturday," the man said, excitedly.  "It's me, remember?  Lou Umberge?"

"Oh, yes, Lou.  Of course I remember."  Frasier shook Lou's hand.

"So, Frasier, are you looking foreword to the reunion?"

"Of course."

There was a moment of silence.

"Well . . . I'll be seeing you," Lou said.  He waved at Frasier before leaving the café.

"Frasier," Niles whispered.  "Who the hell was that?"

"Niles, I'm having second thoughts about the reunion," Frasier said carefully, sitting back down in his chair.

"Really?  Why?" 

"That was Lou Umberge.  When we were sophomores, he was the only friend I had.  He wanted to be exactly like me!  It was the oddest thing; he would dress like me, speak like me, et cetera . . ."

"And why would that make you rethink the reunion?"

"Because!" Frasier hissed, harshly.  "He wanted to be like me so much that he would never leave me alone.  _That's _why I had Dad change my schedule that year.  Luckily for me, he moved to Detroit before our junior year."

"And . . ."  Niles gestured at Frasier to continue.

"_And _the last thing he told me was 'If we ever meet another time, we'll be best friends again.'  The _last thing that I want is for some obsessed man to follow me around like a puppy!"_

"Oh, come _on, _Frasier," groaned Niles.  "After all of this time, I would think that Lou would learn to be his own person."

"_That's_ where you're wrong, Niles," snapped Frasier.  "He couldn't have learned to be his own person, because I never taught him how to be his own person."  Niles rolled his eyes, but Frasier took no notice.  "I mean, he wouldn't get his own lunch without consulting me.  I'm surprised that he lived so long without me there to guide him."

"Frasier, you really shouldn't be so big-headed.  Lou could survive without you; he _is his own person.  I just saw him!  We_ are _going to that reunion."_

"Of course we are!" said Frasier, quickly.  "At this reunion, I will teach Lou how to be his own man!"

To Be Continued . . .

A/N-Okay, a new "twist" to the story.  The reason I stopped is because I couldn't think of anything else to add.  Well, review and tell me if I should re-write chapter two!  


	4. Louis, Not Lou

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing of "Frasier" or any of its characters.  I know, it's depressing . . . I also do not own the song "Drift Away" by Dobie Gray; I am just using a part of it for my fic. 

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in _so long.  It's just . . . stuff.  Okay, please read and review.  _

**Chapter Four-Louis, Not Lou**

_The Night of the __Reunion__ . . ._

"I can't believe that you're letting me go to your reunion," said Martin, who was sitting in the passenger-side seat.  "I figured that I'd only be an embarrassment to how you boys 'turned out,'" he added, sarcastically.

"Dad, you know perfectly well that you asked us to come along every time you saw us today," retorted Frasier, throwing a glance at his father, before returning his eyes to the road.

"Yeah, but one question," began Niles, "Why am I sitting in the middle of the two of you?" he asked Daphne and Roz, who were each sitting on opposite sides of him in the back seats.

"That's what happens when you get into the car first, Niles," said Daphne, looking out of the window.

"Well I didn't know that I be sitting next to . . ." He leaned in close to Daphne, ". . . her," he whispered.

"Niles, if you're going to whisper, whisper _quietly_," snapped Roz, rolling her eyes.  He replied by simply turning his head to peer out of his wife's window.

"Anyways," began Frasier, quickly changing the subject, "about Lou-" Everyone groaned, causing a look of annoyance to spread over Frasier's features.  "-what should I say to him?  He probably already knows about my radio show, but . . ."  

Frasier rambled on, completely oblivious to the fellow passengers in his car, all of which were either attempting to block out his talking, or were sighing in aggravation.  "Although," he said. "Should I even _talk_ to him?  It may only assist in his wanting to be like me, if he sees me again.  But, if I don't, he may either follow me around or be so depressed that I haven't acknowledged him that he might leave the reunion to go home . . ." He inhaled deeply before continuing.  "Or worse," he added, a hint of horror in his voice.

"'Or worse'?" repeated Niles, cocking his head to the side.

"Yes, you know . . . if a person becomes overly depressed, he or she may take the anguish out on him or her self.  I mean, although Lou _was a pain, I didn't 'dislike' him."_

"Ahh, now it all makes sense," replied Niles, sarcastically.

Frasier flashed a quick glare at his younger brother, before making the final turn into their old high school.  "Well, here we are," announced Frasier.  He parked the car somewhat near the entrance and unsnapped his seatbelt.

As Frasier exited the car, Daphne leaned in close to Niles and whispered, "Your brother's gone off the deep end.  He truly believes that after all of these years, this Lou is _still_ trying to impersonate him."

"Now, Daphne, Frasier has every right to obsess over this," defended Niles, as he followed his wife out of the car.  "After all, I remember that Lou _did_ try very hard to be like Frasier.  I remember one time, before a school function, Lou and Frasier were at our house, and Lou was dressed exactly like Frasier, down to the gold cuff links, but I don't know why; the gold links did not match well with the green shirts they were forced to wear."  He shook his head and shuddered.  "I _still have nightmares about that arrangement."_

Daphne cast a sad smile at Niles, before walking towards the entrance, Niles in tow.  Martin and Roz were slightly behind Niles and Daphne, also talking about Frasier's psychotic behavior.  "I know that someone copying your every move can be stressful, but your son has overdone it, by a long shot," stated Roz, smoothing out a bump in her black dress.

"I know, but I've learned that it's best to just let him do his thing, and laugh about it later.  Of course, Frasier is never part of the laughing . . ."  The two of them entered the high school, where a blast of oldies music filled their ears:

_"Gimme the beat, boys_

_And free my soul_

_I wanna get lost in your rock 'n' roll_

_And drift away . . ."_

Dobie Gray's "Drift Away" was playing on a large "juke box."  Frasier, Niles, Roz, Daphne, and Martin all huddled together to talk, as the music was blasting so loud.  

"I can't believe that the music is so loud!" shouted Roz.  "I mean, everyone here must be at least forty or fifty!" 

"I know!" replied Martin.  "Instead of me saying 'Damn those kids and their music,' it's 'Damn those adults and seniors and their music,'" he finished, chuckling.

"Yeah," replied Niles, raising an eyebrow at his father.  "Oh, look, Frasier," he said, pointing towards the exit.  "Isn't that Lou?"

Frasier looked to where Niles was pointing to see a tall, blond man wearing a black suit standing in front of the door.  "Yes, it is," he replied.  "But don't you find it odd that he's wearing the very same suit as I am?" he asked, gesturing towards his own black suit.  

"Yes I do, Fras," responded Martin, mockingly.  "Oh, and look; _that man right there is wearing the same suit too . . . and that one, and that one . . ." he said, while pointing out a few men, who were also wearing black suits. _

"Fine Dad, mock all you like, but there _are other suits to choose from, you know," said Frasier, matter-of-factly._

There was a pause, where Frasier did nothing but watch Lou's every move.  After a few minutes, Roz leaned in.  "So, aren't you going to go up to him or something . . .?" 

"Well, I suppose I should.  We _were_ best friends during high school, after all," replied Frasier, sounding unsure.  "Okay, I'll see you all later."  He walked away from his small grouping and walked towards Lou, who was standing by the snack table, eating Ruffle chips one by one. 

Frasier stood next to Lou, looking at him, still unsure of what to say.  "Hello Lou," he greeted, causing Lou's head to snap up.  "It's me; Frasier Crane."

"Oh, Frasier!" replied Lou, reaching in to give Frasier a hug.  "How's it been?  It's been a long time."

"I know . . . I've been good.  How about you?"  

"I'm great; I have a lovely wife, Lillian, and a son, Frank . . ."  

As Lou talked about his family, Frasier was thinking:  'Oh, my God; Lillian, Lillith.  Frank, Frederick . . . this man is going too far to be me.  I must put a stop to it!'

" . . . so, after graduating college, I met Lillian, the love of my life, and-"

"-wait, Lou . . ."

"Actually, I go by 'Louis' now," interrupted Louis, smiling.

"Okay, Louis, look, I know that when we were in high school, I was sort of an . . . idol for you, but Lou-Louis, you are a great person, but you need to _be _that person.  You can't be me your whole life . . ."

"Frasier, what are you-"

"What am I doing?  I am helping you be your own person.  I know that's probably _not_ what you want, but trust me; I'm a psychiatrist, it's for the best."

"Frasier, I have no idea what you're talking about; I never wanted to 'be you.'"

"What?!"

To Be Continued . . .

A/N:  FWI: The next chapter will be the conclusion.  Now, review!!  Please??!!


	5. What an Embarrassing Situation

Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all!  Nada!  Seriously . . .

A/N: Many apologies or not updating in forever.  I have just had a lot going on and I sort of had *gasp* writer's block!  Yes, it's true . . . sad, ain't it?

**Chapter Five-What an Embarrassing Situation . . .**

"What?"  Frasier blinked at Louis.

"I said that I never wanted to be like you," repeated Louis, giving Frasier a look that was filled with both pity and annoyance.  "What the _hell_ ever gave you that idea?" he asked, his face now wiped of pity, and filled with compete exasperation.

"Well, uhh . . ." Frasier mumbled, rubbing at his temple.  "It's just, you know, the common frequency that you and I have always had ever since high school."

"Such as . . ." said Louis, gesturing for Frasier to continue.

"First of all, our grades were always exactly the same," began Frasier, crossing his arms.

"Of course they were," replied Louis, rolling his eyes.  "We studied together every day, did our homework together, even had the same classes.  Now that I think about it, we spent _way _too much time together."

"Alright, then could you give me an explanation as to how we always liked the same girls, hmm?  Which reminds me, what about the similarity in the names between my ex-wife _Lilith_ and your wife _Lillian_?" asked Frasier, cocking an eyebrow at Louis.  "Well?" he added, with a small smirk.

"Frasier, there were about five girls in our entire class.  We were bound to like the same girls, especially since two out of the five were actually intelligent . . ." he trailed off, shaking his head.  "Why did they ever let Tanya Whitman into our class?  She spent the entire period popping her gum and painting her nails."

Frasier shrugged his shoulders.  "Well, as it turned out, she became an X-Ray technician, so go figure."  He paused, going back to his argument with Louis.  "But then why did you always have the same lunch that I did?" he asked.  "And don't say that it was because we bought our lunches from school.  I distinctly remember bringing my lunch in one of those small brown paper bags."

"First of all, your bag wasn't a 'small brown paper bag.'  It was a large zip-lock container.  I know that for a fact, because you believed that paper bags contained about, what was it you said?  Oh yes, about sixty five billion follicles of dirt and germs."  He held back a chuckle.

Frasier glared at him for a second before inhaling deeply and responding: "That is _not_ the point, Lou, err, Louis."  He cleared his throat.  "The point is, as you may not remember, considering that you do not even recall wanting to be me (not that I blame you, of course, I was a very wonderful child), nevertheless, the point remains that we were discussing our unusual and, in my opinion,_ planned_ similarities."

Louis stared at Frasier, his mouth agape.  "Frasier, are you _kidding_ me?" he retorted, narrowing his eyes and slowly shaking his head.  "The reason we were such good friends in high school was _because _of how alike we were.  Did that even cross your mind?  I mean, okay, so we _happened_ to have the same lunches, and we _coincidentally_ had crushes on the same girls, and it just so happened that our wives had names that began with the same letter . . ."

Louis rolled his eyes.  "Frasier," he began again, sighing heavily, "I really was hoping that I'd see you here, but now I'm a little . . . skeptical about talking to you anymore, in fear that I will be accused of naming my child after yours, or something."  He grimaced slightly and began to turn around and walk away.

"Well, actually there _is_ a similarity between their names!" Frasier shouted at Louis's back.  "My son's name is Frederick!  Frederick!" he shouted again.  He looked around at all of the faces staring at him in shock.  He laughed nervously, giving everyone a half-wave.  "Excuse me," he coughed, slumping over and shuffling towards his brother, who was standing near the punch bowl.

"Hello Frasier," greeted Niles, sliding his handkerchief over the rim of the small paper cup and taking a sip of punch.  "How'd it go with Lou?"

"Well, first of all, it's 'Louis' now," commented Frasier.

"Oh, well, that's always better.  How about his independence?  Did he grasp it immediately or did you have to convince him?  I did hear you cry out something as he walked away from you."

Frasier clicked his teeth together.  "Well . . ." he trailed off, moving his mouth without saying anything.

Niles sat his cup down, giving his older brother a strange look.  "What's wrong?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Well, it seems that . . . Lou-Louis, umm, never wanted to, you know . . ."

"What?"  Niles began to understand, as a smile began to appear on his face.

". . . never wanted to . . . be me," he finished, looking up at the ceiling; the dots from the disco ball were slowly gliding across the ceiling.  Frasier's eyes slipped from the dots to the juke-box, where Louis was talking to a woman, his face a pure expression of utter resentment.  Frasier saw Louis mouth the words "Can you believe it?"

Frasier's eyes glided back to his brother.  Niles was obviously trying to hold in his laughter.  "Oh," said Niles, after a moment of silence.  "He never wanted to . . . be you.  Huh."  Niles's face broke into a large grin.  "That's interesting," he added, bursting into laughter.  He had to hold onto Frasier's arm in order to stay upright.

Frasier looked down at his brother, his eyes narrowed.  Niles stood back upright, still caught in a fit of giggles.

"Hey boys, what's up?" asked Martin, as he walked up to his sons, a beer bottle in his hand.

"Dad . . . Dad . . . you've gotta listen to this," remarked Niles, in-between chuckles.  "It turns out that Lou (who goes by 'Louis' now) never wanted to be Frasier; it was all a mistake!"

Martin's face went into the same expression that Niles had had before, when he was attempting to hold in the laughter.  "Oh really?" asked Martin.  "Well son, I'm sorry."

"Oh Dad," stated Niles, "don't worry; just laugh!"

"Okay."  Martin and Niles erupted in laughter, leaving Frasier to stand there at the punch bowl, looking distraught.

"When you two are finished, I'll be over at the juke-box waiting to go home."  Frasier pushed past his brother and father and strolled over to the juke-box.  He leaned against it, listening to Joan Jett's song "I Love Rock and Roll."

_I love rock and roll_

_So put another dime in the juke-box, baby!_

_I love rock and roll_

_So come on, take some time and dance with me!_

"Hey, aren't you Frasier Crane?"  A female voice cut through the music, snapping Frasier out of his trance of self-misery and embarrassment.  He looked to his right; a petit brunette woman with black, thin-rimmed glasses was standing before him.

"Why yes, I am," he replied, smiling down at her.

"It's me, Brianna Volk.  Remember?  From Geometry?  I always had trouble drawing a perfect circle and Mr. Walker would yell at me . . ." She smiled at him, running a hand through her brown hair.

"Oh right!  Didn't we go to the Freshmen Dance together?" he asked.

"Yeah, that was me."  She paused looking around the room.  "Was that Louis Umberge you were talking to earlier?"

Frasier felt his face begin to burn, and he silently prayed that it was dark enough that Brianna couldn't see it.  "Umm, yes."

"You know, I remember that you two were inseparable back then.  How's he been?"

"He's been . . . okay, I guess.  We haven't been in touch lately."

"Oh, well, anyways . . . you know, I used to have a little crush on you when I was sixteen."  She smiled again, taking a sip of punch.  "You always seemed so nice, so smart, so humble-"

"Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen!"  A loud voice boomed over the speakers, and Frasier immediately recognized the voice as Louis's.  "I have an announcement!"

"Oh no," moaned Frasier, rubbing at his temple while everyone turned their heads towards the stage.  Louis was on the stage, holding a wireless microphone.

"I just thought that I would inform all of you that one of my classmates, _your_ classmate, is a self-centered, egotistical schmuck."

Frasier's eyes widened.  "Who do you think he's talking about?" asked Brianna, glancing over her shoulder at him.

"I don't know," lied Frasier, shrugging his shoulders.

"And that man is none other than . . . Frasier Crane!" he finished, pointing directly at Frasier.  Everyone's eyes turned toward Frasier, some confused, others appeared to be relieved that Louis was not talking about them.

"How is he egotistical, you may ask," continued Louis, pacing around the stage.  "Well Frasier seemed to believe that he was such a 'wonderful child' that I wanted desperately to be just like him.  No, that I wanted to _be_ him."

Gasps and groans erupted from the crowd, and Brianna gave Frasier a look of disgust.  "Is that true?" she hissed.  "You thought he wanted to _be_ you?  How arrogant can you be?"  She turned on her heel and walked away from him.

Frasier stared in horror at Louis as he continued to rant about his and Frasier's earlier conversation.  He never heard Brianna's questions, but he knew that she had walked away.  

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Niles hurry up to him and grasp his arm.  "Frasier!" he whispered, pulling on his older brother's arm.  "I think we should go before a mob forms!"

"Uh, right, okay," murmured Frasier, allowing Niles to pull him through the crowd and out the doors and into the parking lot.  Martin, Daphne, and Roz were all standing by the curb.

"Frasier, I'm sorry that you had a bad time, but that was _great_!" squealed Roz, smiling.  Frasier gave her a pained look.  "Not the face that you got embarrassed, but that I got over fifteen guys' numbers!"

"Right, well, I guess that Louis and I really _are_ different.  A _lot_ different," said Frasier, walking towards the car."  He turned towards his brother.  "So Niles, how was _your_ night?"

"I'd have to say that your embarrassment was the most enjoyable of my night.  The rest was filled with threats, stolen food, and men hitting on my wife."  He shook his head in disgust.  "And you didn't even _stop _them," he added, looking at Daphne.

"Well, in my defense, they were _very _cute," she replied, crossing her arms.

"Oh, okay then," he replied, sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

As they loaded into the car, someone tapped on Frasier's window.  Frasier rolled down the window and looked into the face of a middle-aged woman.  "Hi, I'm Lillian, Louis's wife.  I would just like to tell you that . . ." 

She leaned in closely.  "Louis has a picture of the two of you taped to his wall in his office.  You are his role model; he was just embarrassed that you found out about it."  She smiled at him.  "So don't worry, he had some of that punch on the far-back table, you know, the punch loaded with . . ." She paused, nodding.  "Okay, I'm going to go.  Bye."

Lillian backed away from the car and strolled back to the high school.  "Well," Frasier stated, looking around at everyone in the car.  "Isn't that _interesting_?"

"Okay, fine, you were right, we were wrong to laugh, blah, blah, blah . . . can we go now?" asked Roz, slumping down in her seat.

"Sure."  Frasier started the car and pulled out.

"Now, about that punch," said Niles as they drove down the road.  "What did Lillian mean about it being loaded with something?  I had about three cups of it, and . . ." He paused, rubbing his forehead.  "Whoa, head rush."  

His head slumped over onto Daphne's shoulder.  "Is he going to be alright?" asked Daphne, patting Niles on the head.

"Oh he'll be fine.  He just needs some aspirin and . . . not to eat dairy for a few days," replied Martin.

As Frasier drove down the road, he thought about what Lillian had said.  'I'm Louis's role model,' he thought, proudly.  'Wow, I'd better be careful about what I do; all my decisions are affecting him as well as me.  Not that I make _bad_ decisions or anything . . . I mean . . .'

***Finis***

A/N: Yea!  It's finished!  Finally!  Now please review!  _Merci_!


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